Friday, 2 September 2011

Darkness and Light

I have been waging a war with myself about writing here for a long time now. Conflicted about posting pictures about sweet bakings, cute vintage finds and finally finished sewing projects while at the same time having some serious, and I mean serious stuff to deal with. Not wanting to dump the aforementioned stuff out here in the open either. So silence it was. The words poured on paper, and to the lovely people near me who have lent me a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on to. Right now I am not feeling terribly positive that things are progressing positively in many respects, but I have a life to live and despite the attempts of what sometimes feels like life, the universe and everything doing its damnest to keep me from living it that is precisely what I intend to do. Should you not right now be feeling like listening to any more of the heavy stuff then just scroll down to the clothes pics below, I totally understand, believe you me...

As I sit here, I have now been missing my Daughter for exactly fourteen days and eighteen hours. She will be home in a week, and my heart is not whole before that. She is on a trip with her Father to meet her Portuguese grandparents and while I see it as a good thing for her to not grow estranged from that side of her family, I couldn't help but to cry as I was arranging her fall clothes in her closet all ready for her return. As any mother will know, having your young child be away from you, thousands, thousands of kilometres away from you, is a harrowing thought as such, but in this case what has made it all the worse is all the other stuff that has been going on. For various reasons I can not go to specific detail, but suffice it to say that ever since I decided to start dating again last winter and spring, a long time after the divorce became final, I have had to deal with a lot of severe unpleasantness from my ex-husband. To an unreasonable degree.

I remember sitting in a room in July with him and an official, listening to the raging tirade from him, staring out of the window at the clouds, tears falling down my face, asking, praying to god, whoever you are out there, wherever you are out there, to please, please give me strength to not to break. To not to let the bitterness, the vindictiveness to get to me. To give me peace and serenity enough to not to get drawn in to the river of anger and start taking an eye for an eye. Because I won't. There are always two sides to any story, and I am far from being without blame as to why I eventually ended up applying for the divorce but as to what is going on right now, well, enough is enough.  

Straight talk, eh? It is. Life. What can you do. At times it's a funny little romantic comedy. Others, a dark, hollow drama with serious horror flick tones thrown in. A bit of action, some spaghetti western and touches of Rocky Horror Picture Show mixed with Sound of Music. Gentlemen Prefere Blondes goes Boondock Saints. Oh my. 

This summer, I have also gotten to know the kind of people I frankly never thought I would come to call as friends. I actually not only went but also volunteer worked in a biker happening held near here in what was practically middle of the forest. Six hundred bikers. And no, not the bicycle kind either. And the people I met were some of the friendliest, most frank and relaxed human beings I have had the pleasure to come across to. Hairy, yes. And maybe just a tad more tattooed than the general population with a slight tendency towards black leather vests with insignia on the back. And there I was, in my long circle skirt with flowers, my ballerina slippers and red-and-white checkered country-Annie blouse and knowing zilch, absolute zero, about motorcycles and yet, what a lovely time I had. Granted, I have been around all sorts of wild and woolly creatures from the fringes of humanity before but even so I really must say that these harleyhairypeople are truly a breed of their own. Sure, every flock has its troublemakers, but generally, yes, lovely people.


And now, since the fall, or autumn, whichever the word you choose to use, is here, I will say goodbye to the summer by posting a few pictures of the more superficial side of things these past few months. 

A fifty years old
Husqvarna bike...

...that is perfectly suited
to driving in skirts.

A pale blue circle skirt
with stitched on flowers.
Yeah, I know,
still missing a waistband and hemming here...

Summer dress
made with a 1950's pattern
with some modifications up top...

Fabric covered buttons
and a sash that ties in the back...
...I made the front waist part
of the sash ruched to hide...
all the cakes I loooove to eat...
There are also deep pockets
set in the side seams
in case I wish to 
some of the cakes with me.

A high-waisted below-the-knee
length jeans skirt 
with a flip in the back
a blouse shortened
from a 1950's

A fifties skirt with
a modern day belt, both found at a charity shop.

The fairground skirt
with pleats in
the back.

Bought at the local version of
e-bay for peanuts.

Pink shoes!
Probably from the 1960's or
Swedish, with a fantastic fit
and leather outer soles.

And of course,
the boring but ever-so-practical
black shoes.
From the 1960's.

Black Esprit ones 
bought at a sale and probably
one of the most comfortable
pair of heels I've ever 
Danced the jive for hours
in these and still
managed to 
walk the next day.

My Sister brought these
for the Daughter
from when she
went to Bali in July.
I am seriously

So, with heavy and light. With darkness and sunshine, I leave you now. The leaves are falling from the trees and I have bought my boots out from their summer hiding place. I have started lighting candles in the evening again. And now I shall head to the fabric store to see what delights they have on offer for this season.

It's a sweet life, no matter what. It has to be.

So see you soon, my lovelies.


1 comment:

  1. It is clear to see that even in hard times, you will find inner peace and will let love guide you. Your values are where they should be, and this is what will help you in difficult situations.