Saturday, 23 April 2011

Hope Is The Thing With Feathers and Home

I should be sleeping. Not sitting up here, listening to music, writing, seeing how the night is getting shorter and shorter, and the day longer and longer. Soon, the sun will not go down at all. I have practically not slept for a week now. Well, let me see, ok, five days and counting. Kind of lost track by now. And even though the first rays of sun start sneaking onto my face at around five in the morning, it is not the sun that is keeping me awake. Awake and half asleep. The past week or so has been from hell. No way to sugarcoat it. Learning about humans. Well. All I can say is this. Life, how many lessons are you still planning on teaching me? Have I not had enough as it is? Oooh I love to learn but c-o-m-e o-n n-o-w!

Could've fooled me.

Seeing as my brain has been somewhat preoccupied, I have also been unable to eat much anything. Unable as in have simply forgotten to eat. Tends to happen to me when life goes all humpty dumpty on me. And hugs and more hugs to the lovely lady friend who came laden with groceries, made me eat, brewed me camomile tea and talked and talked and talked to me until there were no more tears to cry. And then we got into my car. And started driving. No destination. Went to a gas station to get more tea and croissants. And drove through the countryside. And walked through the forest. Me in my jeans jacket, kneelength skirt and ballerina shoes trying not to trip on the still snowy forest path. Until we got here.

Its a war memorial, of sorts.
I say of sorts because
though the people whose last resting place
this became,
came here for war,
it speaks of

And to me,
this is what it has been a long time,
a place of
tremendous peace.

And driving back. We laughed. Even to us, this was a slightly unusual way of spending the evening. But this is what friends are for. This past week, I think my phone bill has tripled, no, make that quadrupled. Yes, I have arranged some travels. Tallinn for a few days in a couple of weeks. Rome and Dublin. I need to travel now. But mainly I have talked about life, the universe and everything with my nearest and dearest, my friends, my sisters, my brother. And I have felt their support, I have felt them standing next to me, whatever may come. They know me. They know that despite my strength, because I have chosen to be so open, I am also open for people who may not always live up to my trust of them. This we know, the world is full of people who will walk all over you and through you as if you're not even there. And yet, still, however, what is hope if not a thing with feathers...

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson

Hope that even though this night, you might again sit up without being able to rest, maybe tomorrow will bring you peace. I need time to think. Time to get back to me.

So, since my brain has indeed gone AWOHL on me, I have been sewing a lot. Thinking about starting to actually post the stuff I sew as worn by me. As soon as I can get someone to take the pictures. A four-year-old with a digital camera does not all that good pictures make. So far, I only managed to get some pictures of our home...

My ├╝ber-girly 
thingybobbies by my desk.
And drawings by Lil Miss.

Not exactly a
man-cave, I know...
Pic on top right is of us three kids
fishing with our thirtysomething dad sometime
in the 1970's.

Now, let's be polite here...

Kitchen reading nook.
Got the chair from a friend.
Made new covers 
found two of those
lovely old blue satin pillows.

The rare stuff on the
bookshelves that is other than
Picture is of my Mom in the
early 1960's.

Changing art show in
My Dad put up the shelves.
They're all wonky
because the wall construction was
so irregular.
Gonna put up some more supports,
just for appearances sake.

Newspapers on the
livingroom wall.

Oh well. At least I can say this. My life is not boring. Could actually use a little bit more of that and a little less of the roller-coaster ride. But, hmmm, would that be my life then? Guess not. Sigh. So no worries. Maybe I'll try if I can catch some dreams after all, before the sun starts creeping up on my face again. And maybe tomorrow morning, it will indeed be the sun that shall wake me up and not my restless mind. 

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite.


  1. Oh I love that Emily Dickinson poem! It's one of those that I know by heart. That 'bite me' pic is cute :D And thank you dear for following me, you made my day :)


  2. Whatever it is your going through, God be with you.. Lack of sleep always magnifies our sorrow I find. On the brighter side you have a lovely home and I see we both are fans of Shabbyblogs!

  3. Sleepless stressful times seem to drag on forever and we have the impression that life will always stay like this and that we will never again know peace. But you said it yourself: we need hope, and we need to know that soon, this will be but a memory.

    Your home is absolutely beautiful. I think I will use it as an inspiration to decorate my own :)